I had neglected to trust myself this morning and blog right when I got on the computer. Instead, I checked all my email accounts, went on Facebook and checked out every one's status...So when I finally got here to blog, I had no idea what to write.
I wrote about that, which lead to another idea and another. I was feeling really good about all the stuff I was writing today and then I lost it all! My hope that it was just hidden in another window was merely a dream.
So, now I start again...
Okay, I just remembered that I'd promised to tell you how the "love everyone" thing went for me yesterday. I felt pretty good about it most of the day. The evening was a different story. At the end of the day I rate myself for the whole day: 1 - poor, 2 - good, 3 - very good, 4 - excellent. If I'd rated myself at 3:30 in the afternoon it would have been a 3, close to a 3.5. Then homework hit...At homework time I'm thinking about dinner, the hubby coming home from work, anything else going on that night and so my attention is not centered on one thing. I'm kind of a little spastic, actually. And my son, who requires the most attention at homework time, doesn't do well with a spastic mom, even though I really want him to just get past that. So, at the end of the day, I gave myself a 2 and realized that homework time has to be a time that I am calm, peaceful and centered on one thing - homework. This teaches my son that in that moment he's more important than dinner, his dad coming home from work or whatever else might be going on that night. And I know that is so important for him to know - that reaffirms his self-worth so he knows the world is safe and he can trust himself.
So, I guess that was what this whole thing was about this morning. I trust me which teaches my son to trust himself.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Friday, August 19, 2011
Motherhood
This is some background information that will come in handy today: My daughter (2 1/2 yrs. old) LOVES school buses! Seriously. When we see one, she starts jumping up and down as much as she can while strapped into her car seat.
Today this might be disjointed, these are the feelings I've been having, so I'm going to share them...
This morning I sent my oldest son off to middle school for the first time. Today isn't the first day of school, he's got 7th grade orientation (kinda makes mama relieved to know he has a dry run before all the older kids are clogging up the halls). So, before it was bright, and it was for sure early, I walked with him to the bus stop. He's so mature and such a neat young man! I realized just how proud I am to be his mother. So, this being the technology age, I sent him a text telling him just that.
My sweet little girl also goes to school (a.k.a. daycare). Today she picked out her boots to wear - cause they're just the right size (she said) and her jacket. I suggested that we take her flip flops too, in case she wants to wear them later, so we put everything into her 'packpack' to bring. She was so proud walking out to the car - in her outfit she picked and her 'packpack' for school.
As we were driving I remembered that once school starts, there are buses all over the place. I said "Honey, on Monday we're going to see lots of school buses." Her response was adorable: "NICE, Mom! Give me high five!" And she held her hand up - ready to receive five.
This is the part of motherhood that I completely love. I love seeing my children grow, develop, become who they want to be. I know some parents don't like to see their kids grow up, but I think that's why I wanted to be a mother - so I could know that through my love, attention and guidance I was nurturing a child into an adult. I am truly building tomorrow today, in my children. And my children are great!
Today this might be disjointed, these are the feelings I've been having, so I'm going to share them...
This morning I sent my oldest son off to middle school for the first time. Today isn't the first day of school, he's got 7th grade orientation (kinda makes mama relieved to know he has a dry run before all the older kids are clogging up the halls). So, before it was bright, and it was for sure early, I walked with him to the bus stop. He's so mature and such a neat young man! I realized just how proud I am to be his mother. So, this being the technology age, I sent him a text telling him just that.
My sweet little girl also goes to school (a.k.a. daycare). Today she picked out her boots to wear - cause they're just the right size (she said) and her jacket. I suggested that we take her flip flops too, in case she wants to wear them later, so we put everything into her 'packpack' to bring. She was so proud walking out to the car - in her outfit she picked and her 'packpack' for school.
As we were driving I remembered that once school starts, there are buses all over the place. I said "Honey, on Monday we're going to see lots of school buses." Her response was adorable: "NICE, Mom! Give me high five!" And she held her hand up - ready to receive five.
This is the part of motherhood that I completely love. I love seeing my children grow, develop, become who they want to be. I know some parents don't like to see their kids grow up, but I think that's why I wanted to be a mother - so I could know that through my love, attention and guidance I was nurturing a child into an adult. I am truly building tomorrow today, in my children. And my children are great!
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Lessons on Life from Parenting
This is a topic that many people know lots about. What I offer here is something that made a profound impact on my own life. Also, to be honest, I'm being a bit selfish. You see, I find that as I voice my epiphanies, it tends to lead to more.
One of my struggles in life is feeling validated by those I'm in relationship with. My parents, siblings, friends, spouse, co-workers, the list goes on and on. Since my marriage, I stopped working outside the home and have had the opportunity to concentrate on being a wife and mother full-time. What I just recently realized is that it also gave me the opportunity to be me full-time. And by me, I don't mean me the employee, the manager, the socializer, the life of the party, or even me the fixer. I've had a chance to be me like never before and it opened my eyes a lot. Like the fact that when I'm me I generally have to know my own value.
Knowing my own value was a pretty foreign concept. As I shared previously, I based so much of my life on lists - and let's be clear - it was other people's lists. So, here I sat, a full-time wife and mom with out any clearly defined lists of what that looked like. There were some sketchy thoughts, some things I grew up with and liked were on my list. As well as items I knew I never wanted to have on the list. My husband was also happy to add things to the list based on his upbringing. The major issue with that is that I didn't want him to tell me what to do. In some ways I feel so bad for this sweet man...He wasn't supposed to tell me what to do and yet I looked to him for validation.
He's never been a stay at home wife or mother (and I'm pretty sure he couldn't ever be since he's a man) and really doesn't know what is involved with this sort of thing. I couldn't accurately share with him what all was/is involved with my day to day activities as a wife and mother. And that doesn't even touch on the part of realizing who I am...So, here's this guy who doesn't know what he's validating, how to validate it and maybe even why he's been asked to validate anything. The man did his best and it never felt like enough to me.
I was frustrated because he really didn't "get" what I did all day. He had no idea how much work it is to be available for kids 24/7/365. The laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, shopping, cooking...you get the idea, right? And then if he ever mentioned anything about any of those things, no matter how innocent it might be, I would get so angry. (Truly, I am so thankful that this man stuck by me while I learned this lesson.)
So, as is happened, I was awake in the middle of the night one night. As I lay there unable to sleep, I was reviewing my life over the previous few days. I remembered an interaction with my 2 1/2 year old daughter - so sweet and tender. I recalled things my 11 year old son had said - kind and loving. Then I recalled how my 12 1/2 year old son was comfortable having his mom in the room during a physical. I thought about that for a while, feeling so blessed that this young man loves and trusts me and feels comfortable with me around him. That's when it finally hit me. All of these things were possible because of this man I married. Because I knew that the day to day things in life are always taken care of, I can focus on being the best mom I can be. Instead of spending 40-60 hours a week working for a company to improve their processes, I am able to spend my life improving my skills as a wife, mother, person and friend.
This realization gave me so much gratitude for this man - my heart was over flowing with love (and as I write this now, I feel it all again). I got out of bed and went to the computer to write him a note, thanking him for all he does. I also asked that he keep that note handy so that when I don't tell him often enough how much I love and appreciate him, he can refer to the note and know that I love him deeply and I'm so grateful to him.
So, it must have been the next day that I got the coolest part of this lesson. I was going about my day and when I would have normally wanted that validation, there wasn't anything of the sort in my feelings. As I looked at the whole situation, what I came up with is that as I was able to accurately see what I do, combined with the fact that I am able to do it because of the loving support of my husband, and that I could feel so much love and gratitude for that support, I no longer required validation from anyone else. I became enough in that moment.
And maybe the bigger thing is that I became enough for me.
One of my struggles in life is feeling validated by those I'm in relationship with. My parents, siblings, friends, spouse, co-workers, the list goes on and on. Since my marriage, I stopped working outside the home and have had the opportunity to concentrate on being a wife and mother full-time. What I just recently realized is that it also gave me the opportunity to be me full-time. And by me, I don't mean me the employee, the manager, the socializer, the life of the party, or even me the fixer. I've had a chance to be me like never before and it opened my eyes a lot. Like the fact that when I'm me I generally have to know my own value.
Knowing my own value was a pretty foreign concept. As I shared previously, I based so much of my life on lists - and let's be clear - it was other people's lists. So, here I sat, a full-time wife and mom with out any clearly defined lists of what that looked like. There were some sketchy thoughts, some things I grew up with and liked were on my list. As well as items I knew I never wanted to have on the list. My husband was also happy to add things to the list based on his upbringing. The major issue with that is that I didn't want him to tell me what to do. In some ways I feel so bad for this sweet man...He wasn't supposed to tell me what to do and yet I looked to him for validation.
He's never been a stay at home wife or mother (and I'm pretty sure he couldn't ever be since he's a man) and really doesn't know what is involved with this sort of thing. I couldn't accurately share with him what all was/is involved with my day to day activities as a wife and mother. And that doesn't even touch on the part of realizing who I am...So, here's this guy who doesn't know what he's validating, how to validate it and maybe even why he's been asked to validate anything. The man did his best and it never felt like enough to me.
I was frustrated because he really didn't "get" what I did all day. He had no idea how much work it is to be available for kids 24/7/365. The laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, shopping, cooking...you get the idea, right? And then if he ever mentioned anything about any of those things, no matter how innocent it might be, I would get so angry. (Truly, I am so thankful that this man stuck by me while I learned this lesson.)
So, as is happened, I was awake in the middle of the night one night. As I lay there unable to sleep, I was reviewing my life over the previous few days. I remembered an interaction with my 2 1/2 year old daughter - so sweet and tender. I recalled things my 11 year old son had said - kind and loving. Then I recalled how my 12 1/2 year old son was comfortable having his mom in the room during a physical. I thought about that for a while, feeling so blessed that this young man loves and trusts me and feels comfortable with me around him. That's when it finally hit me. All of these things were possible because of this man I married. Because I knew that the day to day things in life are always taken care of, I can focus on being the best mom I can be. Instead of spending 40-60 hours a week working for a company to improve their processes, I am able to spend my life improving my skills as a wife, mother, person and friend.
This realization gave me so much gratitude for this man - my heart was over flowing with love (and as I write this now, I feel it all again). I got out of bed and went to the computer to write him a note, thanking him for all he does. I also asked that he keep that note handy so that when I don't tell him often enough how much I love and appreciate him, he can refer to the note and know that I love him deeply and I'm so grateful to him.
So, it must have been the next day that I got the coolest part of this lesson. I was going about my day and when I would have normally wanted that validation, there wasn't anything of the sort in my feelings. As I looked at the whole situation, what I came up with is that as I was able to accurately see what I do, combined with the fact that I am able to do it because of the loving support of my husband, and that I could feel so much love and gratitude for that support, I no longer required validation from anyone else. I became enough in that moment.
And maybe the bigger thing is that I became enough for me.
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