Finding Zen

Zen...I always think of Zen as being peace and tranquility - the ultimate relaxation. I also always feel like it's constantly out of my reach. How can a person who has a life (and by that I mean ANYONE who lives their life in the modern world) also have Zen?

This is something that seems to be easier for me to coach people on than it is to see for myself. Yesterday I was able to visit for quite a while with a friend who has some major decisions coming up in her life. She's currently separated from her husband and isn't positive what direction to take. Thus far she's been able to kind of put it all on hold while he's going to school in a different state, but soon he'll have a break from classes and wants to spend time with her. As we spoke, she was all spun up about how to tell him she might want a divorce, or never see him again, and what if he said this or did that...Finally, when she took a breath, I suggested that she take a few deep breaths (in and out) and really think about it all. Could she control what he says or does? Is he there right now for this conversation to even be taking place? Even if he was there right now, does she have to talk to him? Or could she turn around and walk away?

I realized that this is what I do so much of my life. I think about what is going to happen at some point in the future and then I spend my present moment worrying or planning for something that may or may not ever happen. Now, this would be the good side of how I spend my time. The reverse is also true. Oftentimes, I have difficulty letting go of things that have already happened. I replay in my mind what I said or did. Where I was standing and how someone looked at me and what I thought that look meant; combining that with what they said and the inflection in their voice tells me exactly what they think about me and then I go off into defending myself from perceived attacks so that next time I'm around them I can be totally ready to give them a piece of my mind!

I'm not enjoying my current situation because I'm refusing to live in it.

So, what if Zen isn't about living in the wilderness, all alone, no television, radio, cell phone and internet? What if Zen is really about finding peace in myself? And what if the key to finding peace in me is about living in the moment? If I am really present (consciously aware) in my life each moment, I can know if I'm okay with what's being said by me and others. And if by chance someone does say something that doesn't work for me - I can talk to them about it. WOW! That might just change my entire life...that might be the real key to finding Zen.