My Life in the Gap

The Gap is the place between where my body currently resides and the place that my consciousness wants to be (or maybe even is at times). So much of live is learning as we go and playing it by ear. None of us came here with an instruction manual or even a set of cliff notes to make it easier to prepare for the test.


Almost every day I can see clearly the difference in what I know from my experience in this life and what I know from my spirit. My spirit has access to so much more knowledge and information than 'ought' to be available. What I find most compelling is that when I tune in to that part of me, the part of me that knows things that there's no reason I should know, the part of me that 'sees' what someone else is experiencing, I have the biggest break through. I know myself, life and situations better. When I listen to the impossible, life becomes more...more enjoyable, more real, more reliable, more possible.

That seems plain crazy and yet it's been my reality. One that I'm learning to live within and learning to love.


The greatest challenge for me in all of this is allowing myself the opportunity to do something new, different, untested...I have always lived my life by lists.

Lists I make for myself to ensure I'm getting everything done. Lists given to me by parents, friends, teachers, religious leaders, children, spouses, etc. Lists were my life because by a list I could easily measure my success. And man, did I want to be successful. Not only successful, but to KNOW that I was successful and to be able to quantify it to others. This was so that if someone were to come up to me and say "you're NOT successful," I would easily have proof that I was and the list to back up why. What I finally realized after years of living in a list, is that none of these lists where ever mine and that and in the end I wasn't any happier living these lists. Their lists alwasys left me wanting. Something was missing for me...probably me!


So, now my life is living in the gap. This provides very little peace for the part of me that craves success. This causes parts of me to cry out and almost beg for just one more list. This also grants me the chance to grow and trust myself every day, many, many times. Because I'm the one making this up. I'm the only one that knows what's happening, and honestly, there are many times that I wonder how true that statement might even be. Right now, it's important for me to tell you I'm the happiest I've ever been in my entire life. Hands down, no doubt about it! I guess the lesson here is trust you, since you're the only one...