Knowing Me

One thing about me, I'm a great cleaner. I actually enjoy cleaning. I find great personal satisfaction from seeing the transformation I am able to create with my hands and a bit of elbow grease. This is a gift that I love to share with others. Many times I find myself at a friend or relatives home and in fairly short order I'm cleaning something. It's never to insult their cleaning abilities (and this far I've not been told I'm being offensive); it's just one of the ways that I know I can be of service to those that I love and cherish in my life.

So, when I got married and could spend all my time caring for my home and family I was pretty excited. I would have a chance to do my cleaning during the day and all would be in order when my family was home at night. I had a June Clever idea of my life, and I was honestly excited for that!

I spent my days cleaning, organizing and cooking. Waiting for my family to get home so we could have our own little TV show right in the kitchen around the dinner table. What happened was slightly different, or maybe not that different...We would have our meal, discuss the day, make plans for the next day or whatever else would come up.

One day I was really irritate (so NOT June Clever!). I had been spending my time and energy taking care of our family and I wasn't getting any verbal acknowledgement for all that I was doing. I was not used to this sort of treatment from those I worked with. All my years working outside the home I was always one of those people who exceeded expectations. The boss would say to get something done in 30 minutes and I'd do EVERYTHING in my power to have it done in 25 minutes (or less). I liked hearing people tell me I was good (probably because I wasn't so sure of it myself). Anyway, I'd been working my tail off and no one had said anything. Really not what I had expected. I thought that June Clever was so happy because she was great and her family all told each other all the time how great they were.

Well, based on all of this, I decided it would be wise to talk to my husband about all of this, calmly of course. I shared my frustration that the things I was doing for our family weren't being recognized, I think I even said "why do I bother cleaning the shower if no one even notices?!?" (I'm a bit dramatic at times too...) My husband listened to my rant and did his best to calm me down - it didn't really work because I was totally committed to being in this tizzy.

Turns out my question was exactly the one to ask myself. I had been spending my time making my home spotless (or my best equivalent to that) for people who didn't really care if it was spotless. I was making it spotless so that in case someone who did care if it was spotless were to come by, they could approve of the manner in which I kept house. Silly! This was finally the time that I realized the reason I was home was to care for my FAMILY. Caring for them was more than just cooking and cleaning. It was being there to talk with them and support them. I realized that I was there to nurture my children, love them and teach them how to find happiness and joy in all they choose in this life. My relationship with my husband is about listening to one another, loving each other and doing what we can to bless one another. No where on this list was a clean shower floor, or a five star meal.

This is the point that I decided that to have an unswept floor wouldn't kill me. Dishes in the sink will not end the world, and eating out when I'm unable to find it in me to cook a meal myself will provide nourishment for my children to grow into adults. This was a big deal for me to give myself a break.

It's also important for me to share with you that I feel much more peace in my life when my home is in order. When I can see the floor and I've cooked a meal for my family, I feel peace in my heart and I feel good about myself. I also know that there are times that my laundry will be piled up and the sheets on the bed need to be changed. My opportunity now is to have peace in my heart no matter what the situation is.